Belonging

Wendell Berry wrote me back!! If you know who that is, you can imagine my surprise and delight. I had been bold and asked him to write a forward or a review of my book, The Cabin, which came out in the Spring. I didn’t expect him to say yes, let alone answer me! But he did. He was not able to give me a review but he still wrote to tell me he couldn’t do it and to bless my endeavors! I will cherish that handwritten letter forever.

I’ve been in a Wendell Berry mood of late, especially his Port William Series. His stories are about place, belonging, and community and provide excellent company and affirmation for my heart. They are better read slowly and deliberately with a posture of sitting on a front porch with a cup of hot tea and watching the sun move across the sky. I’ve needed slow, I’ve needed something sure, and I’ve needed something to remind me of the importance of place. All my children’s books are about the place as well..a setting that molded and shaped who I have become.

There is so much research these days supporting the theory of embodiment. Meaning, our physical space and the people we rub shoulders with become a part of us, physiologically! What we love and what/who we surround ourselves with becomes a part of who we are (embodiment)  at a cellular level.

Lately, my husband and I have been connecting in deeper and more vulnerable ways. I am grateful, of course, but have discovered that I prefer to not be away from him. This year, I did my annual October trip to Paris (I know, life is rough) to visit one of my daughters, who lives there. Wes came with me for the first week and then went home. Over the years I am usually fine when this happens and I am by myself. I love exploring the city, eating amazing food, hanging with my daughter, drawing, and writing. But this year… YIKES!

I was stunned by my body’s response to Wes’ leaving. I couldn’t function, I was anxious, stopped sleeping well, couldn’t write, didn’t want to leave where I was living, and just basically shut down. I literally felt like I was not whole…like something had been taken from my body. Thank goodness I was reading Wendell Berry who helped me make sense of all of it all.

It wasn’t just Wes that I realized I was missing. I wanted both of my daughters with me as well. In addition, Wes and I have lived in the same community for over 20 years. I have embodied my winsome house in its sheltering and welcoming warmth.  I have embodied my quirky and beautiful church community, I have embodied my pets, the trees, the landscape, and the beauty that I am surrounded by in Central Pennsylvania. I realized that I am rooted in a place and it has become a part of me. We need each other and I was without all of it.

So, I booked a ticket to come home a week early. When Wes met me at the airport and we hugged, my body immediately began to relax. He has become home to me…the place I feel most myself.  When we arrived at our house, I took a slow walk through the rooms which hold so many stories and memories. I walked through the neighborhood and cried with the relief of being in my place and because of the beauty of Fall. I visited with friends, went to church, and my little body gathered itself back together!

Andrew Peterson in The God of the Garden says he creates music and forms story/words better when he is in his “place,” The Warren. His familiar home, people, and beauty sustain and calm him. They remind him of who he is. I think there is something to that.

I am back at writing and so glad to be in my place with my people! This Thanksgiving I am filled to brimming with gratitude for this life I have embodied and has embodied me! Where is “home” for you? What/who do you surround yourself with? For what are YOU thankful?